In a month where we all promised to turn over a new leaf, Cristiano Ronaldo turned over his car to the crushers. The Manchester United ace was in his Ferrari on the way home from training
when his wheel fell off his car. The car ended up in a heap at the side of the road. Poor little car, Ronaldo already had a replacement lined up - a Bentley.
Oh, and of course the Ballon d'Or winner was unhurt. That's a relief. Great news for the guy that cost England the World Cup back in 2006.
Then of course we have the Gaza conflict. Palestinians, Israeli's and a whole lot of bombing going on. The offensive began on the 27th December, but with such a high profile attack going on, I had to include it. I don't like including depressive topics but this is worth a little bit of space. Below is a map of all the areas which have been affected by the offensive.
Clearly, it's all a bit confusing as to how it started and what's going on. A ceasefire, a truce, continued attack, and death. Key obstacles to peace are Jerusalem, Borders, Settlements, Water and the bad history between the two. I got confused by the whole thing so I'll leave the professionals over at the BBC to answer your questions.
Next up we have the Cock finding love after being kicked out of his estate. The Cock (Basil) was kicked out of his old estate in 2008 after complaints about the ol' thing. Now, he's been adopted by Ms. Thorburn, and he's been keeping her 23 lady Cocks (yeah, yeah, they're called hens - let me have my fun) company. Ms. Thorburn explained that "Bonnet just adores him and I hope there will be some chicks soon" - basically, Thorbun wants to watch the darlings get it on... I joke, I joke. No offence, Ms.
Now, I'm not sure about you, but if I were a six year old American boy, I wouldn't 
be crashing cars and walking to school having just crashed a car. That's what one boy did, and boy can he drive. Driving six miles at the age of six is fascinating. Not even I - the 17 year old British kid writing this lame blog - could drive six miles. And once the child came to a stop thanks to a telephone pole, he got out, and continued walking. The best bit of the whole event? Sheriff Chuck Wilkins explained the episode by saying "He was very intent on getting to school"... fantastic -next time, wake your mum up, please.
Oh, right. There's something about a Pink Iguana being discovered this month. Cool. Rather than calling it a Pink Iguana, call it a Pinkuana. Sounds better. Of course, if not then you can always just create a new clothes brand with a Pink Iguana on it. That'd be a sell out. Copyright belongs to me.
Ahem, moving swiftly on from the boring 2% eurozone interest rates...
To the much more e
xciting revelation of Matt Smith as the new Doctor Who in 2010. Who is he, you ask? Well, not many people know but Piper thinks he'll be great. His portrayal of the Doctor may be, but his hair certainly isn't.
It's a shame Tennant is leaving, really. He may have hurt his back, but that's no reason to stop blasting rubber people with your sonic tool and travelling around in a blue box which is bigger on the outside than it is in... I mean, bigger on the inside than it is out. Crazy Time Lords.
Oh, and for any of you who think Berbatov is an absolute failure at Manchester United, you should show him what this Czech Republican artist thinks of his country. To make a sculpture of Europe is fine. To portray Bulgaria as a toilet and Italy as a country of footballers who prefer the anus' of their team-mates is just wrong. Funny, but wrong. Sorry, Bulgarians and Italians. Truly, I am. Honest.
An 11 year old Mexican matador has killed 6 bulls, apparently. In one fight, too. Now that's super hero work, that is. Surely it goes against those save-the-animals-please charities? I wonder what they think about this kid's killer instincts. A word of warning - don't wear horns near the lad. He might kill you - with a red cloth.
In other news, a happy cow is a milky cow. Don't take that the wrong way, you children. Apparently happy cows produce more milk than unhappy cows. Interesting statistic. I wonder if it works for Chickens? Do happy chickens produce more eggs? Do happy people produce more babies? It's an interesting thought. Think about it. Seriously.
Our favourite sandwich chain is set to set up over 7,000 jobs over the next two years. Great news, 
considering the amount of unemployed yobs around nowadays. How many teenagers do you think will get those jobs compared to other unemployed adults? It would be interesting to see in the future. I need a job. Maybe I should apply...
Next up, we have the truth: Children's lives are harder than before. I'm glad people have finally realised. All the exam stress, the coursework deadlines and the old teachers who think they had it hard in their day, whining at you to do better... Unfortunately, the article doesn't mean education-wise. It means in terms of love. Ah - I still stick to my point, we young people have it harder than adults of today, in both education and love. Then again, maybe not.
Finally, we say bye-bye to stupid Bush (sorry, Ex-Mr. President) and say hello to the fantastic man himself, Lewis Hamilton. I mean, Obama. Sorry, Mr. President. Your autobiography is very good. I love it. Well done on the presidency. Can you help sort out the world, please? Like, stop this whole Iraq business? Cheers.
Oh, and a special feature for you. BBC has titled this page as Bush-isms, and if you're ever feeling pretty stupid because you've failed your exams, or something, just read this and you'll finish reading and feel like Einstein. Seriously.
Thanks for reading. That was a lot of work getting through all that. I hope you enjoyed, and next week we'll only be covering a week. So expect more detail and more of my rude humour. I'll list my apologies to the people I may have offended below:
- Cristiano "The Diver That Cost England The 2006 World Cup With A Wink" Ronaldo
- Ms. "Bird Love" Thorburn
- Sheriff Wilkins
- The Boy Who Crashed aka. Nerd
- Scientists who named the Pink Iguana, aka. Non-Pinkana-ists
- Business people interested in interest rates, aka. Boring people
- Matt Smith
- Lewis Hamilton
- Mr. Obama
- Bushman
One final thing, I would like to take this moment to pay my respects to the friends and family of young Jonathan Marques, the 15 year old boy who went missing on his way to school on the 6th January; and later was found dead. It must be very distressing.
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